Age may not be such a bad thing. And while I'm eating my words and biting my tongue at the same time I say that, I've never felt better than I do now about myself internally, while meanwhile my body has become a stranger and enemy that I have to figure out all over again. Crazy. I do kinda wish we could just take away the whole counting thing though. I mean, in the south it's taboo to talk about a woman's age - I had no idea how old my mom was until I finally figured it out sometime in my 20's. In some ways that's really not such a bad thing to not know someone's actual age. Other than counting down to death, I don't really understand the purpose of adding up each year and telling other people how many we're at.
Supposedly (emphasis intended) certain ages should attribute varying levels of maturity which then allow for varying levels of societal privilege. However... I can attest to having encountered numerous people that would shoot that theory straight out of the sky. I remember how unhappy I felt when I turned 40 and felt like I had "nothing to show for it" in my life. But 6 more years has done me a world of good. And jumping out of a plane a few years ago helped me realize that I'm not afraid of death anyway, so why should I be afraid of aging? Seems like (aside from death) the aging paranoia exists because we still have stuff left we haven't done or want to do or just plain aren't spending time doing what's important to begin with. That whole "live like you were dying" thing is great, but that motivation doesn't seem to really work unless you truly are dying. But for me, it's the fear of not being able to do as much - not being able to get around the way I want- that I fear the most.
So I think it's time I start hanging out with the active seniors. There are people out there who have 20 more years into it than me and are in better shape, with all the "perks" of seniority on the side - wisdom, retirement, plausible excusability (more commonly known as I'm old so I can say what I want), and lots of discounts. So I need to find whatever it is they found - early on- and keep up with it, because if I can't keep getting around, there ain't no point in getting old.
Cheers to a new year!
